Vat ‘n Sit in the 20th Century: I Do, I Don’t

Written by on September 16, 2020

Historically, Vat ’n Sit, also known as cohabitation, was taboo, however, it is becoming more common for couples to live together before marriage.

The Realities of Cohabitation
by Shaylene Karelse


According to Legal Wise, cohabitation by definition occurs when unmarried couples live together in a long term relationship that resembles marriage. Due to this, marriage has now been “redefined” to couples just living together and not having to get legally married.



Couples have various reasons for wanting to live together.


Firstly, you are in love with your partner so of course you would want to spend more time with the love of your life. You would also be sharing costs, and this would take the financial burden off yourself.

There are benefits to living together but there are also other aspects to consider. Vat ’n Sit is still considered un-traditional, unconventional, perhaps even taboo in some families. There is a notion that it destroys the concept of marriage. Steve Harvey once said, “why would a man want to buy the cow when he gets the milk for free”. He went on to state that living together would not guarantee marriage. If what you have resembles marriage, you will not see the need to get married and make things official.

Another aspect to consider is that there is no security when it comes to unmarried couples living together. According to Legal Wise, cohabitation is not a legal relationship under the law so your assets are not legally protected. It is recommended that you and your partner enter a cohabitation agreement so that if the relationship ends, your assets would be protected. You should also keep proof of payments should a dispute arise between you and your partner.


It is important to understand that moving in together is not like a sleepover. You will be learning things about your partner that might become a deal breaker. Therefore, before moving in together, perhaps spend a long trip together so that you can get a preview of what it would be like to live with your partner.


Most importantly, have a frank discussion with your partner about moving in together. Discuss and understand each other’s reasons for doing so. Discuss possible long-term plans and goals for yourself and each other. Be clear about whether there is a possibility for marriage and set a time frame. Also, lay down some rules for when you move in so that there are boundaries in place. Be open about your finances and set budgets especially for the shared expenses to avoid financial arguments.


Deciding to Vat ‘n Sit with your partner is a big decision so make sure that you consider the positives and negatives of it all. Is it worth it all? Well, only you can decide that.

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