Daddy IssuesWritten by Tyroline Franks
In recent times, we have seen the term "Daddy Issues" being used in our vocabulary more regularly. Oh how I wish we could be more mindful and aware maybe a bit more sensitive to the things we say, but we'll get back to that later.
Since June is the month of Youth and Fathers, It is rather fitting that we zoom into the Fatherless society we seem to be surviving in.
Firstly, we need to look at why Fathers matter.
Now several studies have shown the same conclusion: Children who grow up with father figures have somewhat of an advantage both socially and academically compared to the fatherless child.
The same way in biology, we talk about Altricial and Precocial development. Altricial development simply refers to when a bird for example, is incapable of moving around on its own soon after hatching. Precocial is the exact opposite. It occurs when an organism is capable of moving around after hatching or birth. Altricial development obviously gives the organism a better chance of survival as it is being protected, nursed,nurtured and nourished and on the other hand, Precocial development gives less chance of survival because of the separation from parents at an early stage. To many of us are developing precocially I would say!
The role of the Father seems to be quite simple. BE PRESENT. I read somewhere that fatherhood is not about the 'Presents' but it is about the 'Presence.' Powerful much?
I don't mean to go all biblical on you, but somewhere in the book of Ephesians, the bible says: "And you, Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." You could disagree but In many homes, I see children who are bring provoked to wrath because of absent Fathers...
As a young woman, I clearly understand the effects of having absolutely no father figure to run to for guidance, complaints or requests of any sort. The absence of a father simultaneously means the absence of that dominant voice that is so essential in your life. More often than not, it seems bearable and perfectly fine as you cannot miss what you do not know, but eventually, you realise that as a young girl, you start longing for love and affection and that makes you vulnerable and with vulnerability involved, what are the chances of you ending up in the most destructive relationships? Very high! Trust issues also come into play because you start believing that if the only man you truly needed has left when you were under developed and not done needing him, then it's a fair game that any other man WILL leave the same way. Do you see the damage yet?
Let us not forget about my brothers in this torn community of ours. A high percentage of young men are on drugs, unemployed, uneducated and lost but how do you expect my brothers to be men of great stature if the generation of men before them have failed to set a standard?
So on the cycle continues, we look for a replacement for the missing father. We do what we want and lose our way because the voice of our mothers are not strong enough to always keep us protected and since the men around us are not taking up their position in society, do you really blame this generation for being lost?
The lesson we all need to learn as human beings is to take responsibility for all our actions, both good and bad. So if ever you receive that life-changing call that the gift of a child has been given to you, regardless of where you are in your life, take the leap of faith and be responsible enough to be PRESENT, Because if you don't, not only will you encounter many regrets but you are also being detrimental to a future generation who has so much potential.
To our fatherless youth, Happy Youth month. To our absent fathers, Happy Fathers Month...It's never to late!
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